Kyokai Gives 2 More Rikishi Helpful “ADVICE”, NHK Screws the Proverbial Pooch

It has been determined that Sokokurai was guilty of yaocho, and will be advised to retire.  Hoshikaze will almost certainly retire as well, even though his guilt is in doubt.  Oguruma-oyakata had hinted yesterday that Hoshi will be retiring despite the committee not finding “smoking gun” evidence, but strongly suspecting.  Today it was announced that he was guilty anyway.  Arashio-oyakata hinted that he and Sokokurai are going to sue the fuck out of the sumo association.Here is my take on this.  I really don’t know if Sokokurai is guilty.  Looking at his record, sure all those 8-7 records look a bit suspicious.  However look at his past few basho, he never really seemed to be in trouble of dropping out of juryo or makuuchi until just this past tournament.  There are some guys in makuuchi who reek far more of yaocho than Sokokurai, but truthfully if the JSA gets rid of them things would get a lot worse.

Speaking of bad to worse, NHK has decided not to air coverage of the Natsu Basho.  In addition to this, they will not be doing the Digest program with daily bout reviews.  There might be some replays from various sports shows and new outlets, but thats all.  It looks like those who want to watch sumo need to either go to Tokyo, or use the JSA’s live internet stream.  Those not in Japan are just shit out of luck.  The following is a letter I’m thinking of sending to NHK, I just want to make sure it’s not too corny or overly praising.  Don’t wanna come off as a brown-noser you know, but I want to express my satisfaction with NHK.

Dear NHK,

Thank you for not broadcasting the summer sumo tournament.  Who really wants to watch the country’s national sport with almost 2000 years of history?  I mean, it’s not like that stuff is entertaining to watch…who wants to watch something that doesn’t tell me what media, clothing, and food I need to mindlessly consume?  Truthfully, I just can’t get enough of your mind numbingly bland and staged variety shows, with fake-ass stooges pretending that food is delicious, and throwing out all-to-often idiotic and culturaly inacurate non-sequiturs. What? for 2 weeks in May instead of the country’s national sport I get to watch 90 minutes of commercials (more on weekends), or even better a program length advertisements from 4-6 every weekday and 1-6 on weekends? Wait… you mean I can get an EXTRA 2 hours of televised karaoke programs like Nodo Jiman?  Wow, the only thing that would make this better is if you told me that you’re replacing sumo with reruns of enka showcases from the early 80’s.    I just hope my castration and frontal labotomy are scheduled before May 8th so I can properly enjoy what I’m sure will be a well-spring of good programing in the stead of the sport that is my only reason for turning my TV on.  NHK you really have your finger on the pulse of the nation; truly you are the giant on whose shoulders we strive to stand 日本がんばった!

P. Creswell

p.s. – Why didn’t you get rid of Columbo sooner?  I was tired of watching actual TV programs.

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