I woke up on Saturday morning after having not a single drink the night before, with the intent of spending all day watching sumo. I don’t usually drink at 9:30 in the morning nor do I smoke that early… but sumo is a damn good excuse.
Jonokuchi: (coffee, Irish, thank you.) I hate to be the one to say this, because I know he’s just a kid, but christ that first yobidashi of the day has got to be tone deaf. My acutely trained musician’s ears are burning.
Jonidan: (A left over Montecristo club, and another Irish coffee.) Stand-out bout was Naruto beya’s Yamanaka with an astounding bout against Sumanoumi’s 40kg advantage and 2 more years experience, winning with a well fought kotenage. Great job, guy.
Sandanme: I had to miss most of sandanme, because I opted to get some brick oven pizza, the rarest and most delicious of the pizzas in Japan.
Makushita: (Aomori microbrew) Ms3 Akita’s own Kaonishiki with a nice clean tsukiotoshi win over Kanbayashi. You may know Kaonishiki as the oafish looking guy who helps Takamisakari down the hanamichi. See you in juryo next basho homey.
Juryo: (Can of beer and some dried squid) 3 guys up from Makushita today. One of my favorites, Tochitsubasa, failed to get a win over Tamaasuka. I really like Tochitsubasa, but he’s tiny, and has lots of trouble with the big guys.
Main event: (same can of beer… what do you want!? It was a tall-boy and juryo is short as hell this month!)
Miyabiyama v Tamanoshima – Miyaber used some vicious thrusts to get Ball Island up then made him go down and off balance for an easy push out. 4-3 for the ex-ozeki.
Takamisakari v Kaisei – Kaisei continues his absolute domination of the lower ranks with an easy yorikiri. Perhaps this would be more impressive if there were some more solid rikishi at the bottom of the ladder… 7-0 for team Brasil. Team awkward is at 2-5.
Kimurayama v Tokitenku – yet again… I missed the effective ketaguri from yesterday. All I got today was a nodwa from Kimura, a crapy migi yotsu from Tenku, and a less than exciting hikiotoshi win for Kimura. 4-3, 2-5.
Tochinonada v Toyohibiki – Beeker came in like it was free hooker day in kabukicho and Nada played the bouncer and treated Beeker like a foreigner at establishments that offer such services. DENIED! Tsukiotoshi. 3-4, 5-2 respectively.
Gagamaru v Tochinowaka – My fair lady brought some good momentum, but Waka’s lateral movement was too much for the Queen of kilos to keep up with. Ever seen a little kid run down the driveway and try to turn faster than their legs can manuever? Kind of like that. Only this kid was 200kilos and still wearing a diaper. Uwatenage. 3-4, 2-5
Wakakoyu v Shotenro – I was expecting a henka from Tenro here, apparently so was Koyu. Easy oshidashi win. 3-4, 1-6
Asasekiryu v Tochinoshin – This was probably the best bout of the day… despite Asa squirting out the worst henka I’ve seen this tournament. Noshin saw the henka coming and the two separated, then locked up; Noshin with a left hand in and Asa with the right hand out. Asa went for 2 kakenages, but Noshin has those elephant legs, so it was a no go. Shin went for a tsuri to unbalance Asa, then tried for an uwatenage that failed. Shin was able to back the mongol to the edge and pull and uwatenage, with Asa using a desperation utchari at the bales. Gunbai = Noshin. Monoii. Confirmed. 4-3, 6-1.
Tamawashi v Tosayutaka – Low, well placed tsuppari from the fat eagle was too much for Tosa. 4-3, 5-2.
Kyokutenho v Wakanosato – Tenho must have gotten distracted wondering where his other sock went, because Waka grabbed a quick morozashi, and that was all she wrote. 3-4, 4-3.
Second half: (Jameson 12 year, and some Danish pipe tobacco)
Aran v Yoshikaze – We have been seeing a lot of tsuppari from Aran this basho with mixed results. Day 7’s was a bit sloppy, but seemed to do the job. It looked like Aran pulled Yoshi down, but there was a monoii. Apparently Aran grabbed Yoshi’s chonmage and yanked on it. That’s his 3rd hansoku loss. 3-4, 5-2.
Takekaze v Tochiozan – I was sure Ozan had this one in the bag. But Take was lower, and Elvis never even entered the building. 4-3, 2-5.
Homasho v Toyonoshima – This is exactly how Toyo likes to win. He led with the shoulder, and got morozashi. The rest looked like my neighbor’s English bulldog leg-humping a Native American stereotype.
Goeido v Kisenosato – 2 Japanese “hopes” head to head. Pretty bland tsuppari and they both seemed to go out at the same time. Gunbai went for the Kid. I would say he did a good job, but days like this should be his worst. Same goes for you Goeido… now think about what you’ve done (or lack thereof), both of you. 4-3, 3-4.
Kotoshogiku v Kaio – the Geek also loves that morozashi, but Kaio knows how to work with an armlock. So when Geeku got in there and then his left arm “mysteriously” slipped out, Kaio spun a bit and pulled down. Pat on the ass as a thank you. 5-2 a piece.
Kotooshu v Aminishiki – Oshu has looked absolute trash for an Ozeki this basho, and Sneaky is his nemesis (apart from short guys, and anyone who meets him the day after a loss), but then again what Easter European thug’s nemesis doesn’t look like Steven Segal? Henka by the sneak, Oshu was caught off guard, but was able to get back in the game, grab the belt, spin the Sneak around, and push him out with a yorikiri just before Oshu went out himself. There probably should have been a monoii, but Oshu’s shisho said he’d take him out if he lost 6 this soon in the basho. Don’t know… seemed weird. 2-5 each.
Okinoumi v Harumafuji – The (now) overpriced horse started with a nodowa against Casanova and turned it into a left hand inside. Okinoumi charged forward and did this weird superman-like forward charge thing that resulted in a yoritaoshi… soooo… that was a surprise. 4-3 each.
Baruto v Kitataiki – Taiki came out of the gates with a limp-dick tachiai that had a fishy left side shift to it. It was all to easy for Master Blaster to grab the right hand inside and get the tsuridashi. HE HAS THE MIND OF A CHILD!!!… and 6-1. Taiki with 1-6.
Hakuho v Kakuryu – I was thinking that Kakuryu had an outside chance if he got in fast enough and kept Kublai away from the belt. The Kak got too excited and went off prematurely. This resulted in a hard, long, cold, stare down from the yokozuna at go round #2. 3rd time is a charm as they say, and that’s how easy it was. Right hand inside for Hak, some gabburi, and that was all. 7-0, 4-3.
7-0: Hakuho, Kaisei
6-1: Baruto, Tochinoshin
5-2:(for sake of being thorough) Kaio, Geek, Yoshi, Tosayutaka, Beeker.
Valentine will teach you the ways of the force tomorrow for nakabi.