As I’m sitting here thinking about some semi-retarded way to open today’s coverage of Day 5 sumo, several different idea pop into my head…. parody of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood… too pedophilic; medieval knights prancing about as rikishi… too gay/involved; horror story turned sumo basho…what the hell. Noticing that my smoke is almost gone and the coffee is getting cold I have come to conclude that this is the worst brainstorming session ever. Why are introductions to a coverage even necessary? To set a flow and/or tune for the entire report… however if anyone even remembers any of my reports half way through any notion of fluidity crumbles. So, that must not be it. Damn it… the coffee has gone cold, the smoke has faded out in the ash tray. At this point I am thinking what else could possibly to wrong. Wait… hold on. A bunch of semi-naked dude performing ass-grabbery… check; Several smoke left in the pack…check. Half a pot of brew… check. I guess things aren’t as bad as I thought. And I guess some form of an introduction is better than nothing. (Here’s looking at you Connolly ;p ) So on to the matter at hand… it involves pulling up our boot straps, oiling a couple of asses, and doing a little plowing of our own….
Shohozan vs. Chiyonokuni:
Ohh yea! This is what I’m talking about ! Men giving each other a few tsuppari. Slap that Chiyonokuni around buddy. Show him whose boss. Well and there it goes. Shohozan moves to the side tries to push Chiyo down… this is vaguely reminiscent of the technique of a rikishi who has been given the ‘de Gama Semi-Chub of Shame.’ But I digress. So, Shohozan stiffs up his arm and thrusts it at his opponent’s neck. Chiyo easily pushes it away and fades back. Shoho’s forward momentum makes him almost fall forward – which would have been an opportune time to capitalize. However, Chiyo doesn’t and proceeds into the classic bear hug situation. As they are circling arm in arm I guess Chiyo uses the sideways momentum to twist his body causing Shoho to fall. Chiyo grabs the V.
Kimurayama vs. Takarafuji:
So, how’s your theory working out there Briton-meyer? I don’t fully understand it, but that’s just probably my lack of foresight thinking for these type of things. The actually bout seemed a little slow. A lot of pushing up then going back in. Not all that interesting. Takarafuji eventually pushes Mr. Kim to near the edge of the ring. Kimmy-boy then locks Taka’s arm and fumbles to the side dragging Takarafuji awkwardly. This seems to out-stretch Takara and Senor Kimbo pushes him down causing him to bellyflop the mound.
Kimmy’s Kachikosh not looking all that good buddy. Maybe he could gorgonzola a little bit of premium mold all over his next few opponents’ faces.
Aoiyama vs. Sagatsukasa:
Because someone had mention Sagatsukasa was looking good one day, I was pretty excited to view his bout. Boy, was I disappointed. Aoiyama rushes in and Saga just could not handle it. Saga loses ground and tries to escape. Aoiyama catches him and eventually pushes him out. What a shameful premature semi-chub…. No satisfaction. A win for the big Blue and a loss for de Gama.
Kaisei vs. Myogiryu
This match looks like it should not disappoint as the last one did. But only time will tell… I guess all there is to say is that Kaisei pooped on this one. At tachiai Myo get low and stayed there while Kaisei tried to awkwardly hold him off. Kaisei was way too high and Myo just forced him out. Nice technique for the little guy. Myo picks up a win.
Kokkai vs. Wakakoyu:
Should I even bother reporting some of these weak performances, but I guess Waka has a decent record so here goes… Waka rushes in at tachiai and with it arms thrusts upward on Kok’s chest. Kok tries to do something and fails. So he just jiggles out of the ring. Another win for Waka.
Fujiazuma vs. Takayasu:
Let the Tsuppari BEGIN! Both go in flailing those arms in a way that E. Honda would be proud of. Fujiazuma slowly gaining ground while this is going on. Here’s the interesting part… Taka stands his ground and tries for a grip on his last arm flail. Fuji bangs him chest to chest and goes for the reach around. Not reaching anything Fuji tries in vain for the arm. At this point Taka goes for a sideways takedown and is relatively successful. However as Fuji is going down, he pushes Taka out of the ring. So the question is who lost first.. Fuji is originally given the win but there is a monoii. Boom…the win changes to Taka.
Kitataiki vs. Takekaze:
As the dust settles over the mound, I expect some kind of pathetic display. I mean the guy is undefeated, but some how it doesn’t feel right. Even though I feel I should want the guy to win, I just have relatively no interest in him anymore. Anyways, the bout starts with both guys rushing in at tachiai . Take loses ground and moves to the side. Kita just keeps that pressure on him. Take touches the ring and hops to the side again. None of these escape attempts even phase Kita – who has affirm grip on what seems to be the armpit area. Take circles some more and Kita now loses his footing. This allows the Kaze to position Kita closest to the edge. Recovering from his loss of footing, Kita tries to overpower Take and moves forward. Take desperately tries to hold whatever advantage he thinks he has by hip thrusting. Failing Take moves to the side yet again…. However this time Kita pushes him and he escapes over the ring for his first loss.
Miyabiyama vs. Tochiozan:
Hard to believe Moobiyama was an Ozeki. Mooby tries to tsuppari his way to victory but couldn’t . He just tsuppari’ed until the sideburns pushed him out.
Tochinowaka vs. Yoshikaze:
Here’s my boy hailing for the warmth of Oita. This time around he is just the little engine that couldn’t not with lack of trying though. Kaze meets the Waka at tachiai. Both chests crashing together causes a little bounce. Kaze uses this to split second to rush at him from a different angle. He gets Tochi back all the while Tochi gets Kaze’s arms locked. I think at this point Tochi tries side-take down move but fails. This causes them both to shuffle back to the center of the ring. With Kaze’s arms still locked by Tochi and his head in Tochi’s chest, its not looking good for my boy. In a split second Kaze breaks free but to no avail. Tochi grabs some mawashi and forces Kaze back and eventually out. A doble loss for the Kazes… not a good day at all. No chub today boys.
Tochinoshin vs. Kakuryu:
Solid work by Kaks. He goes in at tachiai, then keeps that momentum going. Noshin gets pushed back to the edge and tries a desperate attempt to lift Kak up and out. Though he does lift Kak up, he couldn’t do anything after. Kak yorikiri’s Noshin out.
Kisenosato vs Goeido:
Despite the record Goeido’s sumo at least in this bout looked good. Goeido goes in at tachiai faster than Kise. Kise mets the boy but scurries back while trying to take him down for a quick win. Despite this Goeido manages to hold on staying low and gripping Kise’s mawashi with one hand. Kise moves around a bit more desperately trying to push Goeido down and off his mawashi. Once Goeido gets his balance, he quickly goes in for the mawashi with his other hand. Kise counters by locking Goeido’s arms. While Goeido is trying to push Kise forward, Kise is trying to twist Goeido down. They reach some kind of impasse. Then, Goeido tries to start a game of footsie. His first and second didn’t work but on the last attempt Goeido took the Sekiwake down. Not a bad match!
Okinoumi vs. Kotoshogiku:
Both meet at tachiai. And with no luck neither get any form of an advantage. So they decide to bear hug it for a while. Geeku tries to hip thrust his way to victory, but fails reverting back to the bear hugging. His second attempt ends up like his first. Now on his third attempt, Geeku gains some ground on Oki. This causes Oki to scurry to the side and Geeku pushes slowly back. Momentum builds and Oki starts moving back faster. Seeing this Geeku out-stretches himself , but its just enough to cause Oki to go out before any worry losing himself.
Toyonoshima vs. Harumafuji:
At tachi Toyo goes in and gets a mawashi grip with both hands. This allows him to carry Haruma close to the edge. Once Haruma makes contact with the ground he rushes to the side gets in position for a side takedown maneuver. As Haruma is performing the take down, Toyo kicks up one of Haruma’s legs and Haruma topples down under Toyo. Toyo grabs the win.
Baruto vs. Homasho:
Homie is not looking so hot this time around, eh. Homie goes in and meets with Bart. Bart just grabs his head and pulls him to the ground. Sorry buddy.
Hakuho vs. Kyokutenho:
Classic Hakuho driving his opponent back until he is out or crumbles beneath his feet.
Well, that’s all for today. De Gama out…