Dick Montana’s put it in your mouth challenge: Part 3
Here is a bit of a mukashi challenge. This particular challenge is from back in Osaka, but somehow got lost in the shuffle of Creswell moving back in to Akita.
As usual for the Gentlemen of Sumo & Stogies, we met for the March basho on day 14 to watch sumo, smoke fine tobacco, and imbibe good whisky. This was a particularly auspicious occasion, as Creswell finally made his way back to the oft-somber Akita, after 7 months of exile due to some… let’s just say unfortunate events.
After reading the first in this series of whisky challenges, Patton was eager to try his hand and urged Sir Dick to bring it on. And on it was brought.
Whisky A: Torys Extra
Whisky B: Talisker 10 year
Participants: Patton Creswell, Samuel DeGama, and Dick Montana
Degama immediately noted the lighter color of Whisky A. Creswell agreed, noting a slightly yellowish hue. Montana, to quick approval, noted that B was much more rich in color. Creswell this time claimed more of a “rich amber”, although the silly fuck is colorblind, so take it with a shaker of salt. Montana mused that on this occasion, unlike the last, that the lighter
whisky might be the scotch, Degama assented, saying that “Japanese companies will often artificially color their whiskies”, “more often than in other countries”, added Montana. Creswell begged to differ noting that Talisker tends to be a darker blend. (before you jump down my, or Creswell’s, throat and say that “it’s not a blend”, guess what… it is. It is a blend of batches of single malt Talisker, none aged less than ten years. I’m sure that’s what Creswell meant, as he’s an incredulous ass, who speaks too often, and without thought.)
It was agreed by all that before a vote could be made in earnest, a whiff and a sip would need to be the order of the day.
Degama gave Whisky A a go. After a few whiffs, and a pensive look “weak” was all he could muster, “maybe vanilla, but I don’t know” was the tag. Degama then, after a saucy reference to masturbation, gave his nose a taste of Whisky B, and immediately claimed a very sweet aroma, possibly unmasking it as the Tory’s. Creswell could glean
nothing from Whisky A and then hypothesized that because we were in
fact using dirty plastic cups from a tomodachi’s apartment, and that it might be throwing off the aroma. Regardless, Creswell dove in to Whisky B nose first, and agreed it was likely the Tory’s, noting a “burn your nose-hairs-off, smell” of grain spirits. Then the thus far quiet and poised Monatana, like some over-sauced Toucan Sam, dissented, claiming B the scotch, and A the shit. Degama and Creswell pushed the matter, but for posterity Creswell went in for a second whiff of B, getting the Whisky closer to his dirty American
nose. When lo, from down the heavens wafted a hint of smoke.
Creswell, tail between legs, then noted that he and Degama, likely mistook the smoky for sweet. Montana rightly pointed out that if they couldn’t nail this we were “fucked”, and rightly so. After a final and more deliberate whiff, Creswell flip-flopped over to Montana’s
side, undeniably sensing smoke in them thar’ hills.
Montana went for Whisky B first: “Yeah, that’s Talisker, undoubtedly B is Talisker”. Creswell took a swill: “Yeah, that’s a scotch, that is a smoky scotch.” Degama, with a wry smile: “I, Like this”.
Obligatory tasting adjectives, thrown about like ragdolls, were smoky, peaty, hint of pepper, leather, and so forth. More concretely, the trio noted a full bodied warmth on the finish with a pleasant recapitulation of flavors on the exhale.
Whisky A was labeled as: sweet, grainy, and medicinal (in a bad way). Sweet, but with no substance. No warmth, no burn, just a cheap liquid that numbs your mouth and batters your soul.
Creswell, ever the self-righteous prick, once again blamed the plastic for possibly throwing them off on the aroma.
A voice broke through from the peanut gallery “Why would you compare Tory’s to Talisker?… I don’t get it.” The answer was, of course, that we wish to legitimize our claims & reviews that we put forth on our site. Why would our readers trust our opinions if we can’t even tell a 10 year single malt, from some bull shit served in a plastic jug?
As Montana then admitted, “we set the bar pretty low on this one.” However, we view it is as informative for our readers, as it is practice for us. Perhaps next time we’ll be climbing the ladder a bit more, and try something closer to a “high class” Japanese whisky. But, then one of us would be stuck with a mostly full bottle of Japanese whisky.
Time will tell. Until then, as Creswell said at the close of the test, “if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to have another sip of this Talisker.”