Osaka Basho 2013 Day 2

Hello all you sailors, it’s your ol pal slippery Dick Monatana reporting from a boat. A boat by the name of cutty sark. I believe that this choice of drink is topical due to the whole “I’m on a boat” fad that has been going around lately like the latest version of the clap is among the S&S crew. What’s that you say? That hasn’t been popular since 2009? Well coincidentally that was around the last time this Dick was sober, so that may be where my confusion is coming from.

Short report today due to the fact that Creswell told me I needed to turn in early after spending the better part of the night seducing a smoking-hot woman at the bar who turned out to be the bookcase in Bertrum’s apartment. (I stand by my comment that she is still the best looking bird in Akita)

Here’s what you need to know: Takanoyama picked up a sketchy-as-fuck win over Oniarashi to go 1-1, but it doesn’t even matter because I like the guy. Masunoyama yorikiri-ed Tochinowaka and wasn’t even all that out of breath after. Jokoryu goes 2-0 over Takarafuji and stays in the nascent yusho race. Kyokutenho amazingly manages to twinkle his way around the straw to win over Fujiazuma who himself has been doing quite well recently. Both are 1-1.

Toyonoshima was quick to the belt to get morozashi on Kaisei which he used to great effect. Easy walk out for the former sekiwake as he goes 2-0. I can hear the disappointment of the Brazilian vuvuzuelas from here. Wait, vuvuzuelas are South Africa? Those are two separate countries? I am now led to believe that I am both literally and figuratively blacking out from seven too many scotch and sodas.

Goeido gets a fantastic inside grip over Ikioi to go 2-0 and stay in contention for the Yusho this time around. Baruto damn near twists leg-kick-Mcgee’s head off as he throws him to the ground to go 2-0 as well, but I doubt many think he is a serious contender with his knee in the shape it is.

Myogiryu grabs the title of first to give a black star to an Ozeki this basho as he overwhelms Kissy. Chiyotairyu follows suit with a push pull on Kotoshogiku that I swear Wakakoyu is eligible to sue him for. The cock Kak is the first and only one of the lineup to remain his loss-less record after Tocheerio-zan twists the Eurozeki to the ground.

Haruma remains perfect after besting ‘noshin, and Hakuho remains the same after effortlessly pushing the half-filipino Takayasu out.

Overall a pretty normal day in sumo after all is said and done. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some *eherm* “reading” to do over at Berturm’s.

-Richard Montana

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