Natsu 2013 Day 3

MatagisawaI’m exhausted.  Or at least I was today, and was not looking forward to this review.  I’m still trying to recover from the back to work blues after my Golden Week camping trip.  No one likes going back to the daily grind after a week of ducking cops, non-stop scatological humor, cheap food, and cheaper whisky.  I was in such a bad mood that I was debating stopping off for a night cap after work, but the idea of 40 minutes waiting for a train convinced me otherwise, and my favorite watering-hole did not disappoint.  Its rice planting season and bars and restaurants are dead here in Akita, so there wasn’t anyone to bother me.  The master started off by proffering a bacon and cheese sandwich on a sub roll with real bacon from a Gunma-ken ranch (those in Japan know how hard real bacon is to come by) and a Koing Ludwig Weisse Helles.  I could feel my exhaustion melting away as we discussed whiskies, cigars, and various beers.  I felt damn near good when the conversation moved to how tired the master is with young men coming in and ordering nothing but fruity beers and sweet cocktails, and looking annoyed and pretending to cough when he lights up.  By the time I got home I was itching to watch sumo and write a report.  After-all, living in a country of puri-kura, cute little characters, fluffy hair, loads of make-up, and cutesy poses (and that’s just the men), Sumo & Stogies and the gentlemen are my bastions of bearded, smoked-clouded, dick-joke telling, whisky-smelling manhood.  Get a drink or fuck off, it’s day 3.

The most exciting part of the banal bout of paddy-cake between Kaisei and Homarefuji was the monoii that confirmed that Kaisei did not grab the mage and kept his win.

I like the rikishi in this next bout.  Both Masunoyama and Daikiho are hungry guys, not just in the gastronomical sense.  They want each win.  Daiki tried for an armlock hoping to catch Masu off balance, and almost succeeded, but Masu regained a bit and pivoted around to embarrassingly turn the tables for the win.  Anyone else notice that when Masunoyama is finished a bout he looks like he’s eating an invisible, yet awfully messy cheeseburger?

Although Daido came out of his gates against Azumaryu with all the force and pulled off a throw, the men in black decided it was too close so they called a rematch.  The two locked up again, but with opposing grips, one right in, one right out (it don’t matter which) because Daido had it from the tachiai, he just needed the right moment.

Chiyonokuni just couldn’t get anything going against Kyokushuho’s low and fast pushing attack.  No contest.  Too bad.

Here is the Wakanosato I am used to seeing.  Eating pieces of shit like Chiyootori for breakfast.  Waka got that outside right hand, and a good position then dumped that pup like a truck…truck.

Gotta hand it to Toyohibiki, he took everything Gagamaru had to offer (which is a fuck-ton… or a quarter of one, about) and didn’t budge.  But eventually the damn gave way and when a immovable force hits a moveable object we all know what happens.

Chiyotairyu did a tribute to Miyabiyama today, and Shotenro wasn’t fooled.  That’s why that fucker is out of the game, cause that shit didn’t work.  Wise-up Tairyu, you’re better than that.

Ikioi took some vicious slaps from Sadanofuji and got pushed back, but slipped underneath and got a SOLID grip and worked Sada out with little to no problem.  I swear Ikioi copped a feel in that bout.

Tokitenku, got morozashi right away on Kyokutenho, but the Old man had the momentum.  Tokers flipped things around at the bales and sealed the win with a bit of forward motion.  Once again, I don’t get to report on a successful ketaguri…….. someday…..someday.

Takekaze just bounced off Fujiazuma, but the little tike just kept coming.  Perhaps Fujiazuma was off his game, or perhaps Fujiazuma was off his game, because it’s pretty rare that Takekaze is able to win by yorikiri.

I must say Jokoryu put up one hell of a fight for one who has morozashi against him by an opponent with a lower center of gravity.  He near kimedashied little Yoshikaze.  But DeGama’s forbidden love managed the win.

Takayasu seemed to go todays bout against Toyonoshima with little to no plan, because all he did was pull a few desperation moves out of his ass, none of which had any effect.  Ever seen when Wile E. Coyote opens his parachute and there is an anvil in it.  It was like that.  Toyo wins it on his tippytoes, as usual.

Shohozan was just not able to get his thrusting attack going against Aoiyama.  The Bulgarian was using a strange thrusting with backward motion maneuver, which kept Shoho slightly overstretched, eventually losing his balance on a sidestep.

Tochinoshin was a bit high throughout the whole match with Aran, who capitalized… well, capitally.

I was really surprised that Goeido’s win over Tochiozan wasn’t overturned or even a monoii-ed due to what seriously looked like a mage grab.  Oh, wait… it’s Goeido… nevermind, I’m not surprised.  I know where that kensho money is going.

Kakuryu in on Bart with morozashi, Bart tries for a kimedashi.  Kak regains, But Bart keeps the pressure up.  Bart shifted his weigh to make a move for a makikae, and Kakuryu read it like some filthy smut on a lawson’s toilet wall.  Ozeki are at 1 for the day.

Kisenosato blandly drove back Okinoumi, who didn’t even look like he was really trying.  Today’s kensho brought to you by Shenanigans Bar and Grill.  Ozeki at 2-0

Takarafuji came in too low on Kotooshu who read it like a filthy joke about Kotomitsuki and Chiyotaikai written on the shitakubeya wall, in both situations he wasn’t 100% sure what was going on.

The Geek worked the Sneak back and out with little effort today, and brings the ozeki for a perfect 4-0 3 days in a row, and gets some love letters from DeGama meant for Yoshikaze to boot.

Harumafuji was in REAL trouble 3 different times in that match.  It’s really rare he lets someone beat him to the tachiai like Kitataiki did.  Haruma fought back from the bales two separate times and on the third trip to the tawara pulled a very awkward, but convincing throw, to send Kitataiki flying out, and whipping the yokozuna off his feet and head first off the dohyo behind him.

Myogiryu’s hopes for a double kinboshi tournament were dashed today when beating Hakuho was nowhere near as easy as beating Harumafuji turned out to be.  Surprise, kid… he’s the best.  Repeatedly trying to slap and pull down a guy who has only lost to each of those kimarite twice each in the past 5 years, then separating and trying the same thing again is dumb.  He deserved that dame-oshi from Haks.

Todays best (read: only interesting) bout was Kakuryu vs Baruto.

Well there is day 3.  3-0 are Hakuho, Kisenosato, Kakuryu, Kotoshogiku, Kotooshu, Aoiyama, Takekaze, Tokitenku, Shotenro, and Masunoyama.  2-1 of note are Harumafuji, and Toyonoshima.  Tomorrow, S&S’s original little green man, Connolly, will be here.

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