Well its that time again.. What time, you ask? I say Natsu, you say Basho….Natsu (Basho) Natsu (Basho). And we’re off to the third day of men fuddling about in oversized diapers throwing sand and trying to take control of another man in order to score well. Its called sumo, folks. Before get down and dirty I want to mention a few things. The first being that we have a new reporter, Henry Johnson. Hes a massive cock, so he’ll fit right in the anus that we call Sumo and Stogies. I think he’ll get the pleasure of getting it (a report) up in a few days. Business as usual. And lastly I was informed by Creswell that some dude performed his maezumo today and ‘kicked the crap out of minou.’ I think his name was Musashikuni and he is a nephew of some other Musashi[maru]. Again day 3, exciting stuff. Well, with a fag in my hand and a whisky on the mind lets get rolling…
Oiwato vs. Sokokurai
Back from the dead Sokokurai shows that he can again win a bout. Granted it comes after losing two, however its wasn’t too bad. They bumped head in the beginning and Sokokurai slowly spun him around and forced him out. Pretty straight up
Shotenro vs. Tamaasuka
Good ol’ Shotenny shining like he did back in the day. Shotenro after the tachiai locked Tama’s arm and guided him to the side and pushed Tama out of the ring with a force that flung him into the stands.
Tamawashi vs. Jokoryu
Sneaky Tamawashi straight after the tachiai grabs Joko’s arm and leads him into a 180. Then Tama tries to push Joko out , but Joko lives on by keeping a hand on Tama’s mawashi. Tama goes on the offensive by lightly tsuppari’ing Joko to the ring. In desperation Joko slants his body and gets a belt grip. Tama tries to do a 180 side tackle but fumbles his step allowing Joko to push him forward and out.
Masunoyama vs. Kotoyuki
This is a tale of two humpty dumpties tsuppari’ing for the kill. Lets just say that do that for a little bit and Masunoyama tries to get a take down when he is close to the edge. He fails and proceeds to rolly polly himself to the ground. Koto’s win.
Kaisei vs. Chiyonokuni
Not too bad of a bout. Finally Kaisei seems to be back in his game. Hopefully he’ll keep it up during the entire basho. From the get go they both pushed to get belt grips. And once they did it was just a test of strength. Kaisei tried to side tackle him and gets him in the one leg flamingo stance before Chiyo’s everlasting plummet to the ground.
Aoiyama vs. Sadanofuji
Textbook fat-ass sumo. Both start off with the tsuppari and after a few arm strokes Aoi steps back and places his hands on the back of Sada’s head and pulls him down for the big finish. Aoi got the V.
Takarafuji vs. Yoshikaze
Its been a while since I actually reported on this guy. Maybe he’ll pull his head out his own ass this basho and stop paying attention to high school baseball… it’s …fucking…. HIGH SCHOOL… who gives a shit. Pay more attention to your god damn sumo ….or just the foreigner whose gone and pitched a tent at the possibility of having a chatsy with that guy. But I digress… The bout was actually pretty good … Yoshi kept a belt grip despite Takara trying to shake him off. And after dancing around the ring for a bit Takara tries a desperation turnover at the edge but fails. Yoshi then takes him out.
Toyohibiki vs. Okinoumi
Terrible for Oki. Toyohibiki comes in with strong tsuppari and gets Oki upright. A few more thrusts to the chest and Oki was done like a JAV actress at the end of a bukkake snuff film. Toyo’s win.
Chiyotairyu vs. Aminishiki
Wow, Chiyo came into this bout with a fury. Immediately stiff arms Aminisneaky in the throat and keeps the pressure on. Chiyo keeps pushing him out until he gets to the edge. The Sneak tries to escape but Chiyo pushes him again and Sneak is thrown into the stands face first.
Myogiryu vs. Shohozan
A fuck up on Shohoz part. From the beginning Myogiryu is on the tsuppari attack. Shohoz defends pretty well but falls to the edge. At this point Shohoz loses his bearings and accidentally steps out of the ring while he was escaping.
Kisenosato vs Tochiozan
All this bout was a push battle. Tochi kept trying to get some kind of grip and Kise pushing Tochi away to show dominance. However after getting pushed back and failing a slap down Tochi slightly positions himself to the side (not a side step nor henka). At that moment Kise was initiating a push. Tochi quickly capitalizes and sends Kise forward off the edge. A Kise loss.
Goeido vs. Kotooshu
Quickly this bout turns into a belt battle with Oshu thrusting Goeido back. Goeido tries to side tackle him but falls short. Oshu falls on to of Goeido’s head. Oshu wins.
Kakuryu vs. Tokitenku
Easy Tsuppari win for Kak. 3-4 arm thrusts were all it took.
Takayasu vs. Harumafuji
Heh, They but get grip at the beginning and Haruma seems a little outstretched (leg wise). Taka gives a little upper body twist which forces Haruma’s leg down. The shinyoko needs a bit more practice for his position… and the JSA is thinking of promoting Kise…. I suppose the rank of Yokozuna is the new Ozeki and Daiyokozuna is the new Yokozuna.
Hakuho vs. Makekaze
Takekaze was just a little turd fighting to not get flushed down the toilet. Honestly, he seems to just close his eyes (to be fair god knows they’re all squinters) and flail his arms about. Hakuho came in pushing Take up and back. Take would wriggle around trying to feint some kind of defense. He eventually gets slapped down by Haks.
That was Day 3. And that’s all I wrote.