Coming back for the second time this week it is none other than everyone’s favorite spicy sweaty little love bear, De Gama. I can hear the crowds going on about as loud as when a comedy gives an awkward joke on stand up night. But fear not my friends, I am here to wash out the salty taste from your mouth after it was ravaged by Johnson yesterday. Don’t be alarmed though he always tends to finish early leaving you wanting more. I guess that’s his charm. All right before we get into the sumo, let’s talk about one thing: Kisenosato. Now, I feel regardless of how he is/was doing he would be talked about. I think this basho proves that the JSA was retarded to even consider him for the Yokozuna promotion. I mean, what are they giving out Yokozuna candies to the any Japanese who has entered the Ozeki fish market? For all we know with the way its going Kotoshogiku will be rumored for promotion next basho and then once the grime is cleared from Kise’s performance this basho they’ll try again. Its really pathetic. Can’t the old boys in the JSA just buy used panties from Tokyo vending machines or take incredibly perverse pictures of middle schoolers at sport events like the rest of the old populace of Japan. I suppose they all have their own fetishes. And the JSA wont feel satisfied unless there is a Japanese Yokozuna despite whether they properly earned it or not. Well, I think I see the river made by Kisenosato’s tears… lemme grab his hopes of becoming a yokozuna and canoe myself down stream straight into today’s sumo.
Wakanosato vs. Jokoryu
So, bout kinda plays out like the first ro-MAN-tic scene in Brokeback Mountain grunting and all. They two collide chests and both get grips on the upper body. From this point it’s a display of strength to see whose the top dog/bottom bitch so to speak. Now Wakanosato performs an awkward side throws and completes it. Jokoryu is forced on the floor.
Aoiyama vs. Kaisei
I apologize for the skip in bouts however I’m only tending to report on bouts that I care about. To be honest shame on me right, but whatever. I was really looking forward to the bout between Shotenro and Tochinoshin, but whoops remembered that the poor guy got injured. Hears to not going the way ol’ Barty did. Anyways, it was a decent bout between the two blobs of mass. Kaisei seemed a bit too preoccupied in securing a front belt grip for his perfect record, and allowed himself to be pushed down by the head. Nice win by Aoi
Kotoyuki vs. Sadanofuji
My god the stare down before the match was ridiculous. I could see them wanting to win their match but was a 10 sec stare down warranted especially for a tsuppari match. When they did finally touch fists to the ground, Sadanofuji immediately went for the upperward tsuppari to the neck. Kotoyuki kind of wanted to play it differently but got forced to counter with tsuppari. Eventually Koto tried to straight push Sada’s chest back, however Sada turned his body and sent Koto rolling to the side.
Takarafuji vs. Kitataiki
Lets take another moment to mention the Captain of the Splits Chiyonokuni who risked the safety of his groin for the victory. 1 victory doesn’t really equate to 11 losses via kyujo but hey after seeing how you did it … you got my respect. Ok so onto this actual bout. Despite resulting in a monoii it was a pretty boring match. At tachi they both ended up with underarm grips and Kitataiki drives Takara to the edge. After a few leg trip attempts by Kita, they fall back to the middle and stand at stalemate for a while (both having a belt grip now). Eventually, Takara starts to lift up and Kita counters. This also leads to stalemate until Kita releases one of his grips, steps to the side, and quickly grabs one more inside. Kita then again tries to leg trip Takara. Takara retaliates by side tackling him to the ground. Now this cause both of them to hit the ground. The monoii was called to see who landed first which was Kita.
Okinoumi vs. Toyonoshima
Solid strength bout. Straight from the get go they both got under belt grips. Okinoumi had a bit more power and was able to drive Toyo out of the ring. Pretty straightforward.
Chiyotairyu vs. Ikioi
Damn! Complete and utter dominance by Chiyotairyu. I haven’t seen anyone get so dominated since Valentine married his bird. Chiyo gets in fast and pushes Ikioi up and back. A few more pushes and Iki goes straight out.
Myogiryu vs. Tokitenku
I really hoped that Myogi would do better this he currently is and today was no different. Myogi goes in fast and is eager for that win. Toki simply moves a little bit allowing Myogi to chase him. Then Toki slaps Myogi down. Cool your jets Myogi!
Kisenosato vs. Gagamaru
This basho Lord GaGa is almost as pathetic as his female counterpart. GaGa goes to push Kise’s shoulders back. Kise slightly shifts his weight/stance and pushes with one hand against Gaga’s shoulder diagonally downward. Gaga then just crumples to the floor.
Takayasu vs. Kotooshu
At tachiai both go in for a grip. The my video angle it seems that Taka quickly backs off to the side pulling Oshu forward. This doesn’t really work and they continue to tsuppari each other. Taka gets low and proceeds to push Oshu backwards pretty easily. As Oshu gets close to the edge he locks Taka’s arm and completes a desperation throw leading them both to the ground. Taka seemed to touch the ground first, but a monoii was called.
It was decided that they were to have a rematch. It starts off with a shameful henka by Oshu. Oshu is just too slow and Taka is too fast. Taka pulls the ungrounded Oshu to the floor.
Kakuryu vs. Goeido
Goeido goes in just a bit too low. Kak gets his hand on Goeido’s neck and pulls him down. Goeido fumbles to the side and Kak goes in for the kill. Nice little win for Kak.
Aminishiki vs. Kotoshogiku
Cowardly henka by the Sneak. Kotoshogiku falls for it hard. Kotoshogiku’s first loss.
Hakuho vs. Shohozan
Hakuho clearly had this bout but Shohozan seemed to slip on the dohyo. At this point Hakuho just puts the guy down.
Tochiozan vs. Harumafuji
After some pushing at the beginning of the bout, Haruma gets a belt grip and jerks his body opposite the side of the grip. Tochiozan flips down onto the floor. Easy win for Harry
At the end of the day its Hakuho leading the pack at 6-0 with Haruma, Kotoshogiku, Chiyotairyu, and Kaisei at 5-1. Lets just assume at this point that Kotooshu lost his momentum and is out of the running despite being 5-1 as well.
Its been fun jerking it with you… I am de Gama and I am out!