I’m not exactly sure of the rules… how long are you supposed to wait before you report someone missing? Isn’t there some saying about how if you don’t find someone within the first 48 hours that the likelihood of finding them alive significantly decreases? In which case, I encourage all of our readers to help us out. Next time you’re jogging in the park, or at a Dunkin’ Donuts next to the dumpster, or out in the desert. Keep your eyes out for Daly, Montana, and Briton-Meyer’s remains. Given how long its been since we’ve heard from some of our other contributors, it has certainly changed from search-and-rescue to body recovery. I would encourage the authorities to check the content of DeGama and Bertrum’s sausage rolls. My Johnson sense (the soylent green type, not the butt sex type) is tingling again.
On to the bouts for today. Takanoyama henka-ed Nionoumi into an arm bar, got behind him and pushed him out. I’ll be honest, and I haven’t seen all of Takanoyama’s bouts this basho, but every one I have seen has been exactly like this one. Not so interesting this basho sitting at 4-5. I remember hearing a lot of hype about Daikiho, and was never impressed. But his bout against Osunaarashi was quite exciting. I will say that Boody was definitely the aggressor. Leaving Daikiho on the defensive. However, it was a darn good defense. However, Boody relied too much on his strength and didn’t leave enough in the tank, letting Daikiho get the W.
Sokokurai went straight in against Tamawashi. There is a reason Kokurai uses henkas a lot. Masunoyama is way too eager sometimes. I have to imagine that his shortness of breath can sometimes cause panic. Because Homey absorbed his chargespun to the side and dumped Masu with little to no effort. Tochinowaka started off too high, again, but managed to get both hands inside on Tenkaiho. From what I could tell tochi tried to pull down Tenkaiho thinking he might be too far forward, but he wasn’t and that gave Kaiho the opening for the win.
Takekaze went head on against Jokoryu pushed him up then jerked the Joker right down. Asahisho couldn’t get his tsuppari going against Shotenro and immediately started backpeddaling, Tenro capitalized and advanced, trying to kee the advantage. Asahi went in for the belt hoping to change the momentum around, but got caught sideways and went out. Looks like he tweaked his elbow too. After a harite and some jostling for position after locking up with Tokushoryu, Wakanosato showed some of his only forward moving sumo this basho, winning by yoritaoshi. At 2-7 from M15 Waka can only afford 1 more loss. Otherwise its back to juryo with him. Personally I think he should call it a career. His sumo is looking weak and unmotivated.
Kotoyuki was at his best today against Tamaasuka. Well placed thrusts around Oscar’s face worked him back and out with little to no resistance. Once again Endo looked pretty solid today. This time against Yoshikaze. The two locked up, but I was surprised to see almost none of Yoshi’s trademark erratic movements, just what looked like some thinly veiled acceptance. A thoroughly uninteresting tsuppari battle between Sadanofuji and Fujiazuma went the way of Sada. Aran and Gaga maru had the slowest tachiai I’ve seen in a while. Aran seemed to slip around and have the okuridashi, but Gaga managed to slip out and turn things around getting Aran up high and out. Kyokutenho overpowered Aminishiki right from the beginning, with sneakers giving back not much in return. Longest monoii of the basho just to reconfirm the goyjis call of Kyoku for the win.
Wow, yet another entirely one sided bout. Only this time it was Kitataiki over Tokitenku. Toyonoshima got his favorite shoulder blast into morozashi on Kaisei. Kaisei fumbled a bit, trying a Baruto-style over the back uwate grip on Toyo’s belt. But not being used to this type of maneuver, Toyo took advantage of Kaisei’s awkward position and moved back for a throw at the bales. It was close but not close enough for a momoii to be needed. Toyo by a nose, or elbow or something. Despite Having decent postion against Okinoumi, Takarafuji’s forward motion was stifled by Oki’s footwork and lower position. Oki slowly moved Takara back and out, but not without a fight.
Takayasu was all attack today, and it apparently was not what Ikioi was expecting. Ikioi tried moving back and away slapping and pulling down. Takayasu was a bit far forward, but was able to keep his balance and Ikioi ran out of real-estate. Shohozan’s tsuppari drove Tochiozan back at the initial charge, but Tochi recoved and made a drive back, Shoho started to back pedal and an ill placed thrust glanced Shoho off to the side, securing the win for Tochi. Don’t know if the mata had anything to do with it, but Goeido henka-ed and slapped down Aoiyama. Some might argue that it wasn’t a henka… well you can fuck off, there was no real contact, no real forward motion, and a shitty hatakikomi. Perhaps it wasn’t technically a henka, but it don’t feel no better.
Chiyotairyu brought the tsuppari to Kisenosato, but today he tried the novel idea of pairing it with forward motion. Kise tried to pivot and slap down Chiyo, but bad dohyo-kan got Kise to step out.
Kak got a strong left inside on the Geek, but the Geek locked up the Kak’s elbows and push forward, Kak rallied at the bales and turned the tables, bringin the fight back to the center of the ring. Geek, however, having a similar left hand inside, was able to collect himself and make the final push to take the Kak out.
Let me just state here how happy I am not to have to report on Kotooshu today. Let’s hope that trend continues.
Harumafuji and Myogiryu butted heads the both immediately went for the nodowa. Harry then started moving back and left while pulling on Yogi, who went along for the ride. Yogi tried to start up his thrusts again, and Haruma quelled that with a few thrusts, a slip to the left and another pull attempt. Then Haruma made his move, keeping low with big thrusts to the neck and face of Yogi, the last one connecting quite hard, spinning Yogi around. Looked like Yogi almost gave up at the end.
Hakuho met everything Toyohibiki had to offer at the tachiai, elegantly slipp to the side and thrust down Beeker with the utmost of speed and fluency.
That leaves the leaderboard thus:
7-2 Harumafuji, Kisenosato, Kyokutenho, Homasho (Briton-Meyer is begging me from beyond the grave to make some bullshit call about a Homashi yusho.)
6-3 Kotoshogiku, Kakuryu, Goeido, Kaisei, Aminishiki, Endo, Yoshikaze, and Takekaze
Johnson will be here tomorrow. I’m too tired right now to make a lewd joke. So i’ll just say this: cunt-rag.