Aki 2013 Day 11

MatagisawaFinally a day when I can sink my teeth into the report.  The past few reports have been rammed in the back door after a hard day of work, before I collapse of exhaustion.  But today, I’ve got enough time to work on it properly for a bit, and ease it in, so it isn’t so ragged by the time it gets passed on to you guys.  Speaking of ragged, lets have a hand for our new contributor Mr. Johnson.  Thanks for pitching in, buddy, but if I wanted to hear the confessions of a border-line alcoholic, I would just record what I choke out through tears after I get home from the bar.  Or I’d call DeGama and ask him “what’s up?”

You missed yoshikaze giving the Gyoji a street-fighter-style flying kick to the mouth.  You missed Harumafuji basically dropping a hot, messy turd on the dohyo while reading a newspaper through a pair of horn-rimmed reading glasses, and enjoying a balanced breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, oatmeal, fruit juice, and coffee (read: henkaing Kaisei), and you missed the perennially interesting Kisenosato v Kotoshogiku (Kise won… but it was questionable).  Effort more than appreciated, but a bit more content to balance the cries for help would be nice.  One thing is for sure though, your intros are bangin’.  On to sumo. In Juryo Takanoyama failed on his henka of Daido, but using speed and thrusting he ended up behind Magilla Gorilla and finished him off with a nice uwatenage. 5-6 for Taka.

Egyptian Osunaarashi belted Mongolian Terunofuji to the chin with some tsuppari at the tachiai, Teru still managed to hook himslef up with a migiyotsu, Boody reading the writing on the wall and snagging a migiyotsu of his own.  Boody spun Teru around with a hand on Teru’s head going for a sukuinage, Teru wouldn’t go down.  Boody drove for the bales trying again, but this time with the left hand on the front of the mawashi.  teru fought back but in doing so allowed Boody a morozashi, things looked grim for Teru, but a spin to the side and backward, and a paw in Boody’s left side sent Tutankhamen flying to the clay.  The rare Makiotoshi (twist down).  This leaves Terunofuji in 2nd place in Juryo at 9-2 and Boody still has his KK and 3rd place at 8-3.

We have been a bit remiss in not including Kagamio in our reports this basho.  A nice tachiai between the rikishi in question and Azumaryu.  Kagaimo was lower and had an otsuke (elbow lock on Azumaryu’s left arm.)  Azumaryu broke it and managed to get his left hand inside, Kaga had to settle for the left hand outside grip.  Mama-Mio went for an uwatenage, which didn’t work.  Azuma pivoted around and went for a thrust down, but from a slightly high angle.  Mio recovered got both hands outside locking up Azuma’s arms in a straight position and worked him to the bales.  Both men tumbled out, gunbai for Mio, monoii confirmed the call.  Kagamio leads the pack in Juryo with 10-1.

Makuuchi time.  After yesterday’s Hakuho loss there is a chance for some interesting playoffs between Haks, Kise, and Haruma.  None of which have anything to do with the first few bouts, which I will cover, but sparingly.  Sadanofuji wanted a tsuppari battle with Tamaasuka, but it turned into a protracted belt battle.  Sada still won though.  7-4, 4-7.

Yesterday we saw some fight from Wakanosato, who is fighting to stay in makuuchi, today against Tenkaiho, we saw nothing.  Well, at least he showed up, which is more than I can say for DeGama and Berturm on day 7.  Waka has been back down to juryo 3 times since 2006, but each one was preceded by an injury, and was followed by a 10-5, a 14-1 yusho, and a 11-4 (respectively) and an immediate return to makuuchi.  Given his performance, you see that happening?  Waka is almost surely back in juryo with a 2-9, Tenkai 6-5.

Takekaze’s backward and pulling style today confused the defensive style of Homasho (which kind of requires a forward moving opponent).  Ever see a dog chase itself in a mirror?  Looked kind of like that.  One of Take’s pulls connected to end it. Take 7-4, Homey 8-3.

Kotoyuki exploded out against Jokoryu, but seemed to abruptly give up.  Joker was inside and had Koto out in a heart beat.  Koto slowly slid down to his knees and collapsed.  Camera pans out and Jokoryu nonchalantly passes a shiv made from a kokugikan shokudo tray to Sasakiyama who threw up a gang sign and disappeared down the hanamichi.  Guards swarm in and the Joker is put in the hole for 2 weeks.  Seriously though, Kotoyuki looks to have tweaked his back.  Needed a wheel chair.  Joker 7-4, Koto 4-7.

Poor Gaga, Tamawashi introduced him to his old friend lateral motion.  Tama 6-5, Gaga 5-6.

Fujiazuma’s tsuppari kept Tochinowaka from doing anything more helpful than looking like a kid who just opened a trash can lid and a bee flew out towards him.  Fuji 3-8, Tochi 5-6.

Toyonoshima got his preferred morozashi, but Masunoyama drove him back to the bales regardless.  Masu slowly started to lose steam, but went for one more drive.  Toyo backed away and spun to the side executing a nice little katasukashi.  Masu looked like a fish trying to breath dry air.  Toyo 6-5, Masu 5-6.

Aran kind of stood up at the tachiai, and just let Tokushoryu have the morozashi, then got thrown down like a twat.  Aran 3-8, Toku 5-6.

Endo got a nice low hit into Kyokutenho who kept his arms together, denying the double maemawashi.  Both men settled for hidari yotsu, but Endo’s right hand was positioned beautifully on the front of the mawashi, and he executed a wonderful  uwatenage.  KK for Endo on his first makuuchi tourney, and Kyoku is still alright at 7-4.

Shotenro was determined to keep Kitataiki off the belt.  Too bad for him.  Taiki got the belt… over. Sho 4-7, Kita 5-6.

Yoshikaze left yesterday injured after being lobbed like a Burmese whore at the gyoji by Jokoryu (the gyoji left with herpes).  So Beeker picked up a winY bringing him to 5-6 and leaving yoshi with a 6-5-4 for the basho.

Ikioi quickly got Tokitenku off balance with a slapdown attempt, which was more than enough for Ikioi to drop the hips and shove him out.  Toki 4-7, Iki 3-8.

Shohozan came in with thrusts to Aminishiki’s face.  Sneakers got on the belt and spun Shoho around, but Sneak lost his grip with his right hand and went makikae to try for the morozashi.  Sho made a drive for the bales and Sne went for the utchari.  They both went over and the trained eye could see Sh’s foot hit the ground before Sn’s body.  H has 5-6.  N has 8-3.

Takayasu was about as ill-balanced as Lucille 2.  Aoiyama looked stable for a change this basho.  4-7 for Taka, 5-6 for Aoiyama.

After the initial impact Okinoumi drove Tochiozan back and to the right.  Tochi had the left hand inside with the right hand outside on the belt, and Oki was diving with the right hand inside.  Tochi got Oki in the half banzai with the left inside, but Tochi’s feet were against the ropes.  Oki just had the momentum and picked up the shiny W.  Both men at 5-6.

Chiyotairyu tried to be a good boy today and move forward, but the Geek was apparently a better boy.  The momentum was all on Geeku’s side of the table and Chiyo got thrust down just as he ran out of real-estate.  7-4 Geek, 3-8 Chiyo.

I’m glad I made the call that Takarafuji was gonna implode.  He hasn’t been overly bad, just out of his league.  Kakuryu SLAMMED into him, and continued with a series of big-boy slaps and thrusts that kept Takara off the belt.  Kak got him turned to the side, the Kak nabbed the belt, flipped Takara around and sent him running out of the ring.  Kak at gets his KK, Takara at 1-10.

Kise went in with his left shoulder and Kaisei met it with his right.  Kise went for the hazuoshi in Kaisei’s left armpit, but Kaisei shifted out.  Kise spun about and got the hazuoshi on Kaisei’s right armpit, getting him off balance and getting the right arm up in the air before Kaisei could get to the belt.  Two more pushes to the chest and some dropped hips got Kissy the W.  9-2 for Kissy, 6-5 for Kaisei.

Haruma walked in today with a swollen right eye.  Goeido with a swollen head.  Haruma was not going to let this prick get two Yokozuna wins in a row.  For the rest of this bout lets call Haruma Ike and Goeido Tina.  After some of the usual from Ike, he locked up on Tina with a migi yotsu.  He went for an uwatenage, but Tina recovered.  Ike just then decided to end it and sent Tina rollin’ down the river on a bread and butter yorikiri.  9-2 for Ike, 7-4 for Tina.

Myogiryu kept both Hakuho’s hands off the belt at the tachiai, and moved him back and to the side.  Hakuho threw a few slaps back, then went in again for the belt.  Yogi tried for the pull down and dodged to the side.  Haks recovered.  Hakuho got the outside double armlock on Yogi and flipped the only-just-average rikishi on his ass via kotenage.  Haks remains on top with 10-1, and Yogurt is at 5-6.

That’s all for day 11.  Got the bird comin’ over soon, so i need to get my house cleaned up, and (Connolly will be happy to hear) some lightbulbs in all the rooms.  Speaking of Connolly, he will be in tomorrow to make horrible puns about rikishi hiding in pictures of organic produce.

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