November Kyushu Basho 2013 Day 4

I’d like to start of this report today by taking you back to Day 2. Kotoshogiku faced off against Shohozan, or Shohoxan as Bertrum referred to him as, although I do expect that was a typo.

Kotoshogiku totally overpowering the Ox, with all forward moving sumo. But after the bout he was in a lot of pain, holding his right shoulder. Murray Johnson thought it looked like a dislocated shoulder but after being taken to hospital it was announced that he tore his pectoral muscle, what you or me might call pecs. Either way he was told it’s going to take 3 months to heal correctly!

My beef with the reports about his injury is how he managed tear the muscle.

Aki 2013 Day 4

It’s Day 4 and already with have Kisenosato and Harumafuji with a loss each. Both of those are fighting guys today who not only have never beaten them, but have also yet to win a fight this tournament. Kotoshogiku takes on Goeido, and those two have been sharing wins evenly for the last year or so. Kakuryu takes on Tochiozan a guy who he has beaten as often as he has lost to! Myogiryu takes on the Shoe box and Okinoumi will try his luck against one of the greatest sumo wrestlers of all time.

Aki 2013 Day 1

Have to apologize ahead of time.  We are on a skeleton crew this basho.  Valentine is still gettin back into life in the states, and DeGama and Bertrum are busy rolling each others sausages.  (They can’t keep their hands off the sausage since the wedding.) Connolly, Johnson, and I will hold down the fort as best we can.  So let’s get things started with day 1.

We’ll start the day off in The lower ranks.  Musashimaru’s nephew Musashikuni won today by an EXCEEDINGLY slow oshidashi.  Slow as it was the technique was sound.  Takanoyama picked up a win over Tanzo via arm bar which he then turned into okuridashi.  Satoyama had a possible injury to his right hand after his win over Kagamio.  Osunaarashi fell to Azumaryu after not being able to produce with his tsuppari.  Chiyonokuni is back after his ball crushing injury, out of the gates he looked goo, but Kyokushuho won via slap down.  Last, Sokokurai was looking in control but at the bales he lost to Takanoiwa by utchari.  Now on to makuuchi.

Nagoya 2013 Day 10

Leaderboard: Hakuho 9-0, followed by Kotooshu and Kaisei at 8-1.

M16E Tokushoryu (3-4) vs. J1E Takanoiwa (5-2): first

Nagoya 2013 Day 7

Leaderboard: Hakuho 6-0, followed by Harumafuji, Kotoshogiku, Kotooshu, Chiyotairyu, and Kaisei at 5-1.

 

M16E Tokushoryu

Nagoya 2013 Day 6

Coming back for the second time this week it is none other than everyone’s favorite spicy sweaty little love bear, De Gama.  I can hear the crowds going on about as loud as when a comedy gives an awkward joke on stand up night. 

Nagoya 2013 Day 3

Well its that time again.. What time, you ask? I say Natsu, you say Basho….Natsu (Basho) Natsu (Basho). And we’re off to the third day of men fuddling about in oversized diapers throwing sand and trying to take control of another man in order to score well.  Its called sumo, folks.  Before get down and dirty I want to mention a few things.

Natsu 2013: Senshuraku

A most marvelous time was spent last night at the 31^st Sumo & Stogies gathering.  Well, it started with me coming with a delivery guy (I never got his name), then Creswell provided hot, succulent legs for all of us to enjoy (not too much hair).  It’s a sh

Natsu Basho May 2013: Day 13

I am annoyed at a few things that I recently read.  The first things is pointed to Montana.  After reading Bertrum’s report is was made clear that you have been holding out on me.  Not even have you been recording you and your bird making sloppy sex tapes, but you decided to show the Englishman and not your loveable Cuban plush toy.  Needless to say I cannot blame good ol’Bert for viewing it, however I can blame the guy for Ernie’ing it up with Creswell.  I thought I was your Ernie, bud … it hurts.  On the other hand, no worries Creswell… I got your back.  Whenever the Englishman pillaging the cargo, the Armada is always not too far behind.  I’ll hitch my train to his caboose and leave enough spice back there that in the morning it’ll seem like he had Indian curry the previous night.  That said we all should get our knives and forks out because things just got delicioso!

So Blah blah blah … guys is juryo and makushita… blah blah… and on to Makuuchi

Chiyonokuni vs. Azumaryu

Chiyo came into this thing with a hunger immediately pushing Azu back forcefully.  It was clear at this point that nothing could be done.  Azu tries and failed to recover to the side but Chiyo honed inon his ass and took him out.  Well played

Natsu Basho 2013: Day 5

Ever since I was a little boy swinging on hammock under the tropic with a cerveza in one hand and a fat Cuban in my other – before you get the wrong idea … no it wasn’t my cousin – I had a dream.  Some boys may dream about sailing the high seas looking for fine, shiny booty.

Natsu 2013 Day 3

I’m exhausted.  Or at least I was today, and was not looking forward to this review.  I’m still trying to recover from the back to work blues after my Golden Week camping trip.  No one likes going back to the daily grind after a week of ducking cops, non-stop scatological humor, cheap food, and cheaper whisky.  I was in such a bad mood that I was debating stopping off for a night cap after work, but the idea of 40 minutes waiting for a train convinced me otherwise, and my favorite watering-hole did not disappoint.  Its rice planting season and bars and restaurants are dead here in Akita, so there wasn’t anyone to bother me.  The master started off by proffering a bacon and cheese sandwich on a sub roll with real bacon from a Gunma-ken ranch (those in Japan know how hard real bacon is to come by) and a Koing Ludwig Weisse Helles.  I could feel my exhaustion melting away as we discussed whiskies, cigars, and various beers. 

Natsu Basho 2013: Day 2

Greetings slippery ones, it’s your ol’ pal Dick Montana, here with another day of sumo and another day of getting kicked out of a convenience store for not wearing pants.

Daley mentioned in day one that he would be interested in seeing how the injured Masunoyama would perform this basho, and Day 2 has him performing like Connelly when he gets in the bedroom, a swift hard charge in, followed by a disappointing withdrawal from a hairy Brazilian. At any rate, Masunoyama goes 2-0 and Kaisei goes the opposite.

Hatsu Basho 2013: Senshuraku

The foreign invasion continues!  Russian Amuuru took Jonidan, Mongols Oniarashi took Makushita, Takanoiwa took Juryo, and of course, Harumafuji took the top.

 

m38E Egyptian Osunaarashi to

Hatsu 2013 Day 9

2^nd half of hatsu basho 2013 is under way. Although it began with the somber note of the death of former yokozuna Taiho, it continues with a current yokozuna regaining his proverbial honor, some younger guys shaking up the lower half of the banzuke, and a few veterans staring the threat of possible retirement in its hairless eye. And, of course, not that it’s new, our Ozeki are under-performing. None were able to get kachikoshi on day 8, and most will struggle to make their 10 this basho. Well, in any event, here’s the way I see it for day 9.

Hatsu Basho Day 7 2013

The Murray Johnson Quote of the Day
[referring to Miyabiyama]
“The power in the gluteus maximus is gone….the butt.  It’s not firm, if I can say that.”

Kyushu Basho 2012: Day 13

“We couldn’t see the crucial body parts”—Stuart Adkin’s quote of the day.

Kyushu Basho 2012: Nakabi

Good evening err’ybody and welcome to another wet and wild day of sumo with your ol’ pal Dick “slick willy” Montana.

Even though there are a few well-known names in juryo, I am just going to focus on the beanpole from Czech-land as I am pretty sure Takamisakari will never be making a return to makuuchi considering his only worsening performance over the past year. Takanoyama (3-4) went up against Tamaasuka (6-2 )today and charged in as low as he could without getting overly friendly with asuka’s knob. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to have much of a plan and just tried to play defense and keep his center of gravity low. Not a bad strategy… for someone who weighs 50 kilos more than he does. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Taka needs to keep with his tricky dick sumo if he wants to keep his upper division salary.

Kyushu Basho 2012: Day 7

Here in Tohoku we’re approaching our first sub-zero night while in Fukuoka, the Kyushu basho is finally heating up.  Watching the sumo the last few days and seeing all the empty seats in the International Center, I can’t help but wonder how much money the JSA

Kyushu Basho 2012: Day 3

Chalmers here a day late with day 3 (for posterity’s sake…).  This is my dog, on our way home from the hospital where he kept me busy the past 4 days.  He’s also sorry for keeping the fans waiting.

We are all wondering what will become of Baruto: Will he come back from his injury? Or will he be taken out of the schedule all together?  Let’s keep our fingers crossed that our favorite Estonian bounces back to join in on fighting off the Mongol uprising… and not to mention the inevitable demotion if he doesn’t return!

Aki Basho 2012 Day 2

Well shit. After seeing some of the rather disappointing sumo on shonichi, I was not too enthusiastic about reporting today. But day two wasn’t quite as bad as it started off. Let’s not waste any more time with yusho speculation seeing as its only day two and anything can happen in these sweet, savage 15 days. Just ask Kyokutenho.